November 28th was the worst day of my life, my best friend, my other half, my brother passed away. I’ll never understand why this had to happen,literally my worst nightmare, He just turned 22 November 17th. I admired him so much and he never understood why, He was the funniest person in the world, he had no fear, which scared the shit out of me. He had the best laugh in the world with the cutest dimples, he was SO tall. He’ll always be the love and light to my life. We were so inseparable, we used to share a bedroom not because we had to because we wanted to. We have so many memories, some of my favorite are our vacations to Virginia Beach, driving in the convertible and the van my step dad used to have. The van has a bed and a tv we always hung out in there and watched movies. We seriously probably watched Cheaper by the Dozen a thousand times. We would build forts, ride dirt bikes, I went to all his baseball games, we truly did everything together.
Some of his favorite things to do growing up were to pick fresh green beans from our Aunt Jackies garden, he loved to fish, he loved to dance to Michael Jackson,watch The Land Before Time, he loved baseball, to swim, and so much more. He was such a good kid growing up, so good at sports and so smart! Freshman year he went to states wrestling, he did so good at baseball I thought he was going to be the next Babe Ruth, he played football too. When he turned about 15 things started heading in the other direction, he started to get in trouble. First it started with marijuana, then it went to other things like pills, then it went to the devil a.k.a. heroin.
*This isn’t something I ever talked about, not because I was ashamed but because it wasn’t my story to tell, it was my brother’s life and I try to keep my family and friends life personal. I share so much of my life on my social media platforms, even though they are apart of my life, it’s still their own life. But I’m going to use my platform to help others, even if its one person, it will at least bring me some kind of peace from this.
It was a rocky roller coaster ride with my brother ever since, he was in and out of jail, tried tons of rehabs, he even went on bike rides with the judge and did tons of programs. My family tried so much to help him and he tried so hard to fight it. There were so many days he would be sick in his room and try to fight it and beat the battle, but he just couldn’t do it. He wanted it so bad but for some reason he never could get past it. I’m a control freak bad and it truly killed me being so out of control of something and not being able to help him. I literally did everything I possibly could and that gives me peace.
Being a sister of an addict, is a very tough thing, I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me because it won’t bring him back or do any good. I just want to share my story and hopefully help others and one day maybe do public speaking on this topic. But being the sister of an addict meant worrying constantly, sleepless nights, praying nothing bad would happen, getting things stolen from you ( just know materialistic things don’t matter, they can be replaced) I always forgave him when he stole something because I knew he was sick, he’d never do that if he wasn’t. Some people would never speak to someone again after that and I understand both sides. But for me helping my brother meant more than anything to me and being there for him. Anytime he needed help I was there, he needed a ride i picked him up, he needed shoes, I bought him shoes, I even turned his phone on multiple times, got him clothes, food, etc. ( only when he was doing good). When he was doing bad what I would do was be his support system and never give up on him. There are so many people who will say your enabling him, which I do believe people do to an extent. But the best advice I have is to ALWAYS listen to your heart and my heart never once told me to cut my brother off or give up. So guess what? I NEVER DID. No matter what my loved ones or anyone told me. I wouldn’t “enable” him, I never gave him cash or my trust or do anything I knew wasn’t right. I simply just didn’t give up, I always let him know that I had hope and faith in him. I answered every phone call, every Jpay email, I tried to show him love unconditionally no matter what. Sometimes it got exhausting and stressful but the feeling I got the most was rewarding. To be the person that never gives up on someone even when it gets rough and them to know that is truly the best feeling ever.
If you’re in the position I was, sometimes enough is enough and you can get physically sick or drained or maybe you feel you are enabling someone, then please do walk away and cut them off.Sometimes what people need is to hit rock bottom to change, but the scary thing is, is if they get there first. But every situation is different and everyone handles things different and has different emotions. I knew in my heart what was best and I don’t regret a thing I did. I just wish I could have saved him.
Before you judge an addict, just know most of them were regular people before. I never personally have been one, but watched my loved ones struggle. They came from a normal home and were just like your everyday person. I never spoke on this before because everyone has different opinions and views/thoughts. But unless you’re in someones shoes you really will never know. If you are an addict, or a loved one of an addict please feel free to email me. It’s just the beginning of this pain for me, so I’m still hurting and grieving and trying to get back to my normal routine, but I will give you the best advice I can and help as much as I can. I will be doing more posts on this, if you have any questions or want me to talk more in-depth about a certain topic feel free to email me and I will do a post. This one was so random, I couldn’t sleep and I just decorated the Christmas tree with my family and I had him on my mind so much and I figured this would help. I also knew I couldn’t do my normal beauty posts, etc without talking about this first. I just want to help solve this horrible epidemic and if you are struggling just know I am praying for you.
xx
Bree
<script async src=”//pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js”></script>
<ins class=”adsbygoogle”
style=”display:block”
data-ad-format=”fluid”
data-ad-layout-key=”-ek+6g-1o-ao+ps”
data-ad-client=”ca-pub-1325164916224130″
data-ad-slot=”1517988663″></ins>
<script>
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
</script>
ANGELA says
AWW BREE THIS IS SUCH A GREAT POST..YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT DO NOT JUDGE AN ADDICT IF U HAVE NEVER BEEN ONE OF LOVED ONE..I KNOW YOUR PAIN HUNNIE BECAUSE OF THE KIDS DAD..LUCKILY HE IS STILL ALIVE AFTER MULITPLE OVERDOSES..IT IS VERY SAD EXHAUSTING AND FRUSTRATING..I TRY TO BE THEIR FOR HIM AS MUCH AS I CAN,BUT I DONT LIKE THE KIDS TO SEE HIM LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT EMOTIONALLY HAS DESTROYED MIKEY😢LOVE U STAY STRONG..XOXO
admin says
Thank you. Love you too. I hope he finds the help he needs and gets better. Xx