Tonight’s post is going to be raw and real. I want to be honest with you guys and for you to be able to relate to posts. Life isn’t always as glamorous and perfect as social media can make it seem. So as you guys know I recently lost my brother and they say it gets easier… but it doesn’t. It’s so hard but everyone goes through it and someone always has it worse but it doesn’t mean your pain goes away.
It’s an emotional roller coaster and grieving is such a hard process, it’s an up and down ride of emotions that doesn’t stop. You want to be strong and you tell everyone your okay because you don’t want anyone to feel bad for you because it won’t take your pain away or do any good. You want to get back to normal but you realize it really isn’t the normal you had before, you have to find a new “normal”.
I’m here to tell you the pain WILL never go away and I’m finding it doesn’t necessarily get easier BUT I’m also here to tell you- you keep on moving. No matter how hard some days are YOU can do it & I can do it. Some days are harder than others, real damn hard. But life keeps going and you have to keep on going, because that’s what your loved one would want, and everyone around you. Being miserable doesn’t change anything or help anything.
Some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, I’ll never understand why this had to happen, and I’ll always wish it didn’t happen. I try telling myself my brother is at peace now but then I want to be so selfish and say well I’d rather him be here suffering so he’s with me just because I miss him so much. When you lose someone you go through so many thoughts, you wonder what you could have done different, you wish you could have saved them, you have so many questions and thoughts. But you get back to living, sometimes it won’t feel like your living, you feel like it’s all a dream and you wish it’s a dream. But reality hits and you realize its not a dream, sometimes your dreams are even better than reality. There has been nights I’ve slept 15 hours because I was dreaming of my brother and I just wanted to keep dreaming.
I want you to know its okay to feel pain, its okay to feel all the above. I feel it and tons of other people in this world do. Maybe not all the same pain but everyone has pain. It’s okay to be weak sometimes, I always want to be strong but what I’m learning is you have to feel pain, you have to feel weak and It’ll make you have more strength. You have to have pain to have strength. There is always good with the bad and that’s what makes life. Some days I try to hide the pain but what I’m realizing its okay to be weak sometimes, it’ll only make you stronger.
This post isn’t for you to feel bad for me, I don’t want that. It’s to help anyone going through the same thing as me, helping people helps me and I want you to know your not alone. I know what it feels like and its a pain you think to yourself ” no one knows the pain I’m going through” but really there is so many people who do experience the same thing. I know this because I’m a hairstylist and I have my own business and I connect with people all day long, a hairstylist is kind of like your therapist, I’m sure most of you know that. All my clients tell me their life story and what I came to realize is NO ONES life is perfect, everyone has something wrong, some kind of pain or problems. Which really inspired me to write this post because I know there is so many people hurting out there and going through something. Hearing people’s problems makes me realize it can always be worse and you just have to appreciate life for what it is, even if it doesn’t make sense or even if you’ll never understand why something happened.
For anyone going through the grieving process for whatever reason, I’m going to share some tips that I do to get me through my hardest days in hopes it’ll help you as well. Everyone grieves differently for me personally, I’m very emotional but yet try to be very strong, my zodiac sign is cancer and they say they’re the most emotional and I completely agree with that 100%. I think at first I was devastated, miserable just almost feeling bad for myself. Then I realized being miserable isn’t going to fix anything. Well then I went to being numb and trying to avoid my feelings, Then I was angry, back to sad, felt bipolar. It’s totally normal though its apart of grieving. Now I’m just learning to accept all these emotions and know its okay and know I will get through it, it’ll never get easier, but I will be okay and I want you to know if you feel this way YOU will be okay too.
MY TIPS FOR GRIEVING
- First and for most – Know its okay to feel weak, Let yourself cry, take the time you need to heal, feel the emotion you have and be okay with all parts of it.
- Surround yourself with support – try not to shut everyone around you off. I know there will be days when you want to shut everyone off. But try not too. Support is one of THE best things for you. I am very lucky I have a huge family and good friends to help me through this hard time of my life.
- READ. Reading feeds my soul, and I truly believe it helps you grow as a person, it helps you understand life and learn so much about so many different things. It also lets you escape reality for a bit.
- Therapy- Some may be ashamed or not want to say they go to therapy or may not want to try it. But from my experience, It’s life changing and all of my friends that I have that have tried it say the same thing. I just personally started going and you have to find someone you connect with, I was lucky the first one I tried I connected with. Theres something about being able to pour your heart out to someone who doesn’t know anyone you know or anything that just helps. I highly recommend a therapist.
- Connect with someone who went through what you did, it makes you realize your not alone and someone else feels they way you do.
- Workout. I finally just got back to the gym and it helps SO much. take care of your body you only have one and you will feel so much better.
- Keep Busy. Don’t just lay around the house. I did this at first, and sometimes you do need that. But don’t let it take over your life. Even on your weak days,when you feel like not doing anything, push yourself to go out and do something. You’ll feel better, don’t get too busy though were you don’t allow yourself to feel anything because sometimes that’ll cause it to build up and at the end it’ll be worse.
- Take a positive from a negative. Even though it’s so hard and you don’t understand it. Try to find something positive out of the pain/negativity. For me I try to stay positive, this has shown me that life is WAY too short. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
- Find your purpose. You may lose your purpose when you experiencing so much pain. For me I’m learning I have to find another purpose, I have to re find myself. When I lost my brother, I lost of piece of me. I lost one of my main purposes for life, since I can remember, my whole life I tried to help my brother, I loved him with every piece of me, I did everything I could for him. I was so used to that being one of my main purposes to life, to help him & take care of him. So I lost a huge part of my life that was my daily routine. I’m working on re finding my purpose and myself again
I’m not an expert, I can only share my experience and my thoughts in hopes it’ll help you or someone. Even if its one person. If your reading this and you feel like your alone or your going through a hard time and you need someone to talk to feel free to email me and know your not alone. Just keep on moving and living life to your fullest because everyone has hurt, pain, and hard times, its apart of life. You get one life and it’s so short enjoy every bit of it even the hard times. The pain may not get easier, but you learn to deal with it and keep moving and that’s what makes you stronger.AND REMEMBER YOU ARE STRONG.
*Late night thoughts lead to these late night deep posts, comment below and let me know if you like these types of posts. I like to be able to be transparent with you guys, because I know sometimes online everything seems like life is perfect for people and it may make you feel down and like your alone, but just know your not alone and no ones life is perfect even if it seems like it is.